my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
