He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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