Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
