Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
