I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
