So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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