How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I bet he comes in French.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
