I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
