wake up i wanna do it froggy style
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
