he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize