I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
