after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
