i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
