I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
