Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize