I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
