Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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