love makes seman taste better
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
