to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
