loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
