break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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