I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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