i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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