she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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