i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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