I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
