Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize