i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize