I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize