dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
