Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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