Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
