You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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