I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
