Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
