That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
