took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
