Where is the hickey?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
