did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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