that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
