Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
