Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
