It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
