Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
