I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize