It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
