went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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