just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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