there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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