new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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