The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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