I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
