youre lurking in front of me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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