I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
