So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
