what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
