What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
