Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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