Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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