eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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