i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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