Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
