dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
