I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
