i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
